Arrogance
I recall once, many years ago, Dave , the 9 year old son of a friend coming home from visiting a friend and asking his mother who was a doctor, “Mom, how come we don’t live like other doctors.” Dave had a difficult time understanding that although his mother made very decent money she chose to function as a doctor differently than many other doctors. She often saw people who had no insurance or very little money, did a lot of volunteer work, served on community boards and, if there was extra money chose to spend it on books, musical instruments and lessons for the children, as well as taking children to museums and to other interesting places. She also was very generous with friends and liberally donated to what she considered worthy causes. It was difficult explaining to a nine year old that the size and luxury of one’s house did not make it a healthy or loving home. Dave, although, even then an independent thinker, has not yet learned that money and things did not make one better than or more important then.
I was remembering this incident the other day when my six year friend Sam came home from school and told me that her homework was to ask three adults what the word arrogant means and then report to the class the next day. My first thought was that this was a wonderful assignment. My second thought was I should suggest someone else for Sam to talk with. She had already decided her parents would be two of the adults. I was to be the third. Since I am a frequent visitor for dinner at their house and also the chief child care person when her parents both need to be elsewhere, I was always the logical choice to help Sam with a homework assignment or to be an adult with whom she had important discussions – a very honored role indeed.
Me: Well, Sam, shall we look in the dictionary.
Sam: (She knows that we can just google the definition and has gone to my laptop which always sits out.) How do you spell it.
Me: A r r o g a n t
Sam: Here it is. (She begins to read.) “
having or showing the in sult (sult)ing att i tude (attitude) of people who believe that they are better , smarter, or more important than other people : having or showing arrogance. (Merriam-Webster)
Me: “Having or showing the insulting attitude of people who believe that they are better, smarter or more important than other people: having or showing arrogance.” My, that sounds confusing doesn’t it. What do you think it means Sam?
Sam: When I get an A and Susie gets a B the teacher is arrogant because she knows that I am smarter than Susie!
Me: Well, I can see why this is confusing. No, the teacher is not arrogant. The teacher is not saying that you are smarter than Susie.
Sam: Yes she is. She said, “Susie how come you cannot be as smart as Sam?”
Me: The teacher asked that?
Sam: Yes. Because I am smarter that Susie.
Me: Well, it is true that you get very good grades and that makes me, your mom and your dad proud of you. Do you think that is partly because your mom, dad or me always help you with your homework? Does someone always help Susie?’
Sam: I do not think so. There is just her mom and her mom works. Sometimes Susie is at home by herself but that is a secret.
Me: Oh my! Do you think we could ask Susie’s mother if Susie could come home and study with you. Mom, dad or I could also help Susie with her homework.
Sam: Okay!
Me: Didn’t you tell me that Susie draws really well. In fact I think Susie drew that really neat picture on the front of your notebook. Can you draw as well as Susie?
Sam: She is an awesome drawer. I don’t draw very well.
Me: So Susie is better at drawing and you are better on some tests?
Sam: Yes.
Me: Do you think Susie is a better person because she draws better or you’re a better person because your test scores are higher?
Sam: Well. I guess she is not better and I am not better although the teacher says it is more important to get good grades.
Me: Well, when we went to the museum and saw all those paintings which we really liked did all the people who painted make good grades on their tests at school.
Sam: I don’t know. Did they?
Me: Not always. We all have different gifts. What would our home be if we took down all the pictures and all interesting little sculptures?
Sam: It would look like Billie’s house. I don’t like being there.
Me: So your home feels better because of all the art?
Sam: Yes, but I never thought about that.
Me: Your mom and dad try to make the home very comfortable for all of you. Does Billie have anyone who is able to do that for him?
Sam: I guess not.
Me: Are you a better person than Billie or are you more lucky?
Sam: Humm,,, Lucky?
Me: Yes, another word for lucky we learned at church was blessed. Do you remember that?
Sam: Yes, I think so.
Me: So, blessed is when we have something or have help that not everyone has even though we did not do anything to earn it. Could we say that Sam? You did not go out and work so you have people who help you with homework or who filled your house with comfortable and pretty things. Can you start giving mom, dad or me a 100 one dollar bills every time we do something for you?
Sam: A hundred dollars? I don’t have a hundred dollars?
Me: I know and we do not expect you to. My point is that you have people to help you in lots of ways. Not all children do. Some times kids who have two parents to help them, nice clothes which their parents buy for them or do better on tests think that they are better than other kids. Do you think that is true?
Sam: No. I like Dave Billie and Susie. They are really nice to me.
Me: I know. I like them too. Sometimes other kids try to feel good about themselves by telling themselves that they are better than the other kids. Sometimes even some kids think that they are better because they are one religion and some other kids are another religion.
Sam: Some of the kids say that Rami is bad because he goes to a Musk or …
Me: A mosque. That is the church Rami’s attends but they call it a mosque. Sometime maybe we could visit the mosque.
Sam: I would like that.
Me: So do you understand now what arrogant means?
Sam: Just because we are different does not mean that we are more important or better?
Me: Exactly. I am so proud of you. Now, let’s see if you can write that down and take it to school with you tomorrow.
I recall once, many years ago, Dave , the 9 year old son of a friend coming home from visiting a friend and asking his mother who was a doctor, “Mom, how come we don’t live like other doctors.” Dave had a difficult time understanding that although his mother made very decent money she chose to function as a doctor differently than many other doctors. She often saw people who had no insurance or very little money, did a lot of volunteer work, served on community boards and, if there was extra money chose to spend it on books, musical instruments and lessons for the children, as well as taking children to museums and to other interesting places. She also was very generous with friends and liberally donated to what she considered worthy causes. It was difficult explaining to a nine year old that the size and luxury of one’s house did not make it a healthy or loving home. Dave, although, even then an independent thinker, has not yet learned that money and things did not make one better than or more important then.
I was remembering this incident the other day when my six year friend Sam came home from school and told me that her homework was to ask three adults what the word arrogant means and then report to the class the next day. My first thought was that this was a wonderful assignment. My second thought was I should suggest someone else for Sam to talk with. She had already decided her parents would be two of the adults. I was to be the third. Since I am a frequent visitor for dinner at their house and also the chief child care person when her parents both need to be elsewhere, I was always the logical choice to help Sam with a homework assignment or to be an adult with whom she had important discussions – a very honored role indeed.
Me: Well, Sam, shall we look in the dictionary.
Sam: (She knows that we can just google the definition and has gone to my laptop which always sits out.) How do you spell it.
Me: A r r o g a n t
Sam: Here it is. (She begins to read.) “
having or showing the in sult (sult)ing att i tude (attitude) of people who believe that they are better , smarter, or more important than other people : having or showing arrogance. (Merriam-Webster)
Me: “Having or showing the insulting attitude of people who believe that they are better, smarter or more important than other people: having or showing arrogance.” My, that sounds confusing doesn’t it. What do you think it means Sam?
Sam: When I get an A and Susie gets a B the teacher is arrogant because she knows that I am smarter than Susie!
Me: Well, I can see why this is confusing. No, the teacher is not arrogant. The teacher is not saying that you are smarter than Susie.
Sam: Yes she is. She said, “Susie how come you cannot be as smart as Sam?”
Me: The teacher asked that?
Sam: Yes. Because I am smarter that Susie.
Me: Well, it is true that you get very good grades and that makes me, your mom and your dad proud of you. Do you think that is partly because your mom, dad or me always help you with your homework? Does someone always help Susie?’
Sam: I do not think so. There is just her mom and her mom works. Sometimes Susie is at home by herself but that is a secret.
Me: Oh my! Do you think we could ask Susie’s mother if Susie could come home and study with you. Mom, dad or I could also help Susie with her homework.
Sam: Okay!
Me: Didn’t you tell me that Susie draws really well. In fact I think Susie drew that really neat picture on the front of your notebook. Can you draw as well as Susie?
Sam: She is an awesome drawer. I don’t draw very well.
Me: So Susie is better at drawing and you are better on some tests?
Sam: Yes.
Me: Do you think Susie is a better person because she draws better or you’re a better person because your test scores are higher?
Sam: Well. I guess she is not better and I am not better although the teacher says it is more important to get good grades.
Me: Well, when we went to the museum and saw all those paintings which we really liked did all the people who painted make good grades on their tests at school.
Sam: I don’t know. Did they?
Me: Not always. We all have different gifts. What would our home be if we took down all the pictures and all interesting little sculptures?
Sam: It would look like Billie’s house. I don’t like being there.
Me: So your home feels better because of all the art?
Sam: Yes, but I never thought about that.
Me: Your mom and dad try to make the home very comfortable for all of you. Does Billie have anyone who is able to do that for him?
Sam: I guess not.
Me: Are you a better person than Billie or are you more lucky?
Sam: Humm,,, Lucky?
Me: Yes, another word for lucky we learned at church was blessed. Do you remember that?
Sam: Yes, I think so.
Me: So, blessed is when we have something or have help that not everyone has even though we did not do anything to earn it. Could we say that Sam? You did not go out and work so you have people who help you with homework or who filled your house with comfortable and pretty things. Can you start giving mom, dad or me a 100 one dollar bills every time we do something for you?
Sam: A hundred dollars? I don’t have a hundred dollars?
Me: I know and we do not expect you to. My point is that you have people to help you in lots of ways. Not all children do. Some times kids who have two parents to help them, nice clothes which their parents buy for them or do better on tests think that they are better than other kids. Do you think that is true?
Sam: No. I like Dave Billie and Susie. They are really nice to me.
Me: I know. I like them too. Sometimes other kids try to feel good about themselves by telling themselves that they are better than the other kids. Sometimes even some kids think that they are better because they are one religion and some other kids are another religion.
Sam: Some of the kids say that Rami is bad because he goes to a Musk or …
Me: A mosque. That is the church Rami’s attends but they call it a mosque. Sometime maybe we could visit the mosque.
Sam: I would like that.
Me: So do you understand now what arrogant means?
Sam: Just because we are different does not mean that we are more important or better?
Me: Exactly. I am so proud of you. Now, let’s see if you can write that down and take it to school with you tomorrow.
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